While I was pregnant with Alexa I had all sorts of other friends in the same predicament. Lots of new babies came to be in the months following Alexa’s birth. Some born within a month or two, some only a twinkle in their parents’ eyes. Lots of new life and bonding over them. I thought I would have all these magical relationships because of that. We all stalked each other’s pregnancies and baby registries. We attended showers and welcoming parties. We visited each other in the hospital when things went wrong and in the comfort of our homes when things were good. We were THERE, until we weren’t.
When I was pregnant with Alexa I didn’t know what to expect. Of course, being my first time and all, that came with the territory. I didn’t know that parenting styles would be the new dividing line between friendships. I didn’t know that random family choices would break hearts. Suffice to say I lost touch with most of my first mommy friends for some reason or another.
I’m lonely now. When Emma came into this world I was no longer a new mom freaked out at every fuss. I’m seasoned so to speak. I’m also lucky to have an easy going second child. I’m still trapped. This time not by strict schedules that I fear mussing up, but by lack of social ties to the outside world.
As the physical friendships of the past few years waned, I turned inside. Inside my computer that is. I feel trapped in this box. I love my bloggy friends so very much. Some of you have been there from the very beginning. Some from before I had a blog and was in the bowels of LJ! I love you and thank you.
That said, I miss being able to hug my friends. I want real life friends but I’m at a loss. I do have a few awesome people on my life that I can talk to and count on, but day to day we’re all so busy. Our kids are all at different stages in life. They have VERY different schedules. From sleep to eating to school and activities. Many have jobs during the week and we all have jam packed weekends. We only see each other during milestone occasions and the rare play date.
I miss my friends. I miss our play-dates. I miss our kids being together. I miss adult conversation on a weekly basis with people going through the same thing as me…in real life. I yearn for family dinners together. I want a girls night out in town…or at least the chance of it. I don’t want to HAVE to go to a blogging convention for this!
I’m lonely here with my ThinkPad and iPhone.
I’m busier than ever…but bored just the same.
I crave adult conversation even if it’s bellowed over squealing kids, or sped through between tending to babies.
I miss friends IRL like never before.