Admitting To My Weight Issues

by Amber Stiles on July 7, 2012

This is what I looked like when Peter and I first met and up until I was pregnant with Alexa.
Of course I hated myself and thought I was a big fat fatty.

I’m about to admit some things that I would be happy to share with strangers…but since I am completely public now and real life people read this, I’m scared.  It’s not as if you can’t all see it, but admitting it stings a bit.  Crap.  Ok.  Here goes.  I have gained 50 pounds since I started dating Peter.

Ten of those were just the regular “I’m in a comfy relationship” pounds.  Another 20 were left over from being pregnant with Alexa. Now I get to tack on another 20 from Emma.  I will NOT blame my girls for the weight gain, it was my fault, but getting it off is proving harder than expected.

It’s pretty much all mental for me right now.  I’m just not able to make it to the gym as much since Emma’s not old enough for the nursery…so that leads to me forgoing exercise all together.  Add to that craptastic sleep habits for everyone (other than Alexa, imagine that!) and I’ll eat a pint of ice cream just to destress and relax.  Yeah not good.

I’ve tried Weight Watchers and general calorie counting.  They DO work but I’m not to be trusted with my own food choices these days.  So I’m going a different route this time.

Inspired by my other blogger friends I’m going to start a new program.  We also purchased a home elliptical machine.  Both should be here next week.  I’ll post more details about the diet plan then :-)  For now I’m just happy to have the weight off my shoulders (and hopefully off my body)!

Comments make me smile!

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

allisonthemeep July 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Good for you! I hope the elliptical turns out to be a great thing for you. We got one after Julian was born and it helped so much for me to lose the extra weight because I didn’t have to pay for a gym or even bother to leave my house. That was kind of a big one for me. Having it be right there, in front of a television, made me have no excuses anymore.

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Amber Stiles July 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Thanks! That’s my plan, to have no excuse since it’s right next to the couch and in front of the TV. If nothing else I can do it when Peter gets home if Emma won’ t let me put her down :-)

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Denise July 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I have a similar story adding up the pounds. So very hard to get off but I am still trying.

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Amber Stiles July 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

It really is harder than it should be. I think it’s totally unfair that I have to think about this while nursing a baby. Ahhh well, I’m not going to delude myself any further into thinking that it will magically melt away at some future point with little or no effort from me. So sad though.

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Mamaintheburbs July 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Even though you say you have gained all this weight, I still think you look beautiful. I know the feeling though. Since January I’ve put on over 40 lbs and I’m disgusted with myself. A lot has to deal with my medical issues but I’m also not exercising. I know the weight isn’t going to magically disappear. I keep saying I’m going to exercise and I don’t. So hopefully by following you and doing it together will give me motivation! I’m def going to look into this diet! I can’t wait to hear all about it.

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Amber Stiles July 7, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Well thanks for the compliment :-)
I hate that we both feel this way but I know exactly what you mean by being disgusted. No matter the reason it sucks. I hope we can both get things in line so we can start liking ourselves again.

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Christine July 7, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Interested to hear what the weight loss strategy is. I was over weight to begin with and never lost 20 of the pregnancy lbs from Quinn – or I’d lose 10 and gain them back. Luckily I’ve not gained any with this pregnancy which puts me at the same weight I was at this point in my last pregnancy. But I HAVE to finally get in shape and get to a healthy weight after this baby. I put it off last time enjoying being a new mother and just kept putting it off or doing it half heartedly. I’m thinking about starting myfitnesspal.com right after this baby comes and I want to start running again.

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Amber Stiles July 8, 2012 at 12:26 am

I’ll have all the details next week. I’m actually starting to write it up now. I don’t want to say anything just in case it’s terrible and I decide to do something else LOL!
I love My Fitness Pal! Friend me if you join!

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Jamie @ Roubinek Reality July 8, 2012 at 3:41 am

I know how frustrating that is to not like the way you look! I struggled with my weight from the time I graduated from high school. I don’t know what happened, but when I met my husband, I started losing weight and I have no idea how. I wish I could give advice, but I will be supporting you along the way. You CAN do it! And, no matter how much you weigh, I think you are beautiful! :)

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Amber Stiles July 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I have a friend like that. She’s skinniest when she’s in a relationship. Totally backwards. I used to have to break up with people to get skinny again. Too bad I’ve been with Peter for almost 7 years :P

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Kristen @ The Preppy Girl in Pink July 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Wanting the change is the first step. The second step is believing in yourself and if you don’t, you have enough of us that support you that you can count on us to kick you in the bum and tell you that you can do this! My brother in law has been on the program you will be using for at least six months and he looks and says he feels amazing. You can do this!!!

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Amber Stiles July 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I’ve wanted to change for a long while but always backed out of diets for my love of ice cream. I really don’t love sweets enough to stay this miserable in my skin. I know I can do it, I’m just overwhelmed with the number. Trying to take it 10lbs at a time :-)

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Christine @ Love, Life, Surf July 10, 2012 at 3:56 am

You totally can do this but I think a big part of it is thinking focusing on making healthy lifestyle changes versus just focusing on the weight loss, if that makes any sense. You know that you have a bunch of us out there who are totally rooting for you and behind you in this.

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Amber Stiles July 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Definitely! Since I’m nursing my version of this particular “diet” isn’t as strict, it leaves a lot of room for healthy choices with lean meats and lots of fruits and veggies. That coupled with my new love of Chobani (thank you BTW!) helps make snacking more of an infusion of nutrients than just shoving crap in my mouth!

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Melissa July 13, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hi Amber,
I don’t know that we have actually ever met – I’m Kathi’s SIL – married to her youngest brother, Bob. I see John’s occasional links to your blog on FB and though haven’t read a lot, I feel like we would get along. I’m on the fringe hippie side of birthing matters as well – home births, placental encapsulation, co-sleeping and extended nursing are all a regular part of my vocabulary! I just wanted to give you some encouragement regarding this whole weight issue. As moms, we are so tough on ourselves if we are not at an ideal weight very soon after birthing a child, when in fact, our bodies are designed to carry extra calorie stores for feeding and nourishing our new babes. My youngest son will be 2 in September and it has only been within the past couple of months that I have finally felt comfortable with my body in a swimsuit (tough when you coach swimming). And this didn’t happen until I psychologically gave up the need to nurse him. Though he does still nurse once a day or every other day, by mentally letting go and trusting in my body to do what it is designed to do, those “last 7 pounds” literally just disappeared within a 2 week period. I guess the whole point of this comment is to be kind to yourself and let your body recover from the very traumatic experience (physically speaking) of pregnancy and delivery before worrying about hitting some magic number on the scale. Good luck to you and I look forward to meeting you one day!

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Amber Stiles July 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I think we met for a moment at their wedding, but hi there! Thanks for the formal introduction :-) I had no idea about your hippie tendencies. So cool to know there’s another in my family.

I agree about weight sticking a bit while nursing. I didn’t really start to lose after Alexa until she was weaned (she was almost 2). I really do NOT want to wait another 2 years to start getting healthy again.

With Alexa part of it was that she wouldn’t let me put her down so I didn’t really have the option to exercise (other than walking) and I made a lot of crappy food choices. I started to fall into that habit again after Emma. I was keeping my fingers crossed that breastfeeding would melt the fat this time. It didn’t..again…and ice cream was just adding to it.

Tomorrow I’ll post more details about the plan of action so to speak, but no worries I’ll be kind to myself. This isn’t just about losing weight. It’s also about learning to make healthy choices instead of always grabbing crap, ya know?

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