I wasn’t going to write about this yet since it just started; but…I want to be honest with myself as well as my friends and family. I want to lay it all out there, because sometimes things are better out than in. I’ve been thinking about seeking help for my moods. Today I had my first appointment with a psychiatric nurse (she does therapy AND medication management). I’ve done all this before but it’s always hard to reach out and admit that I’m faltering.
You all know I’m that I’m generally not one to ask for help until it’s almost too late. Sometimes it IS too late when I crash and burn all over myself (though that hasn’t been the case for 10 years or so thankfully). It sucks admitting that you’re weak. It sucks admitting that to yourself and to those closest to you. It sucks feeling like you’ll be judged for not having the wherewithal to just PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN! Sometimes I can. This time I wanted to nip my shit in the bud before it got out of hand.
I’m assuming you’ve all realized that some things here at home aren’t ideal. No, my life didn’t take a nose dive. And no, my “bad” isn’t the worst the world has seen. But it’s all relative and it’s bad enough for me to feel off kilter. My moods…my reactions to others…my own lack of action to take care of myself…are all bad enough to seek treatment.
So I did just that. Today. I am now scheduled to meet with my brand spankin’ new therapist every other week. I have a ‘script in my wallet waiting to be filled. I have a plan of action to take care of myself so I can take care of my family.
*I want to thank Tracy from stoopmama for laying it all out there and making me realize that I need some extra help again. She wrote a really great blog post on dealing with her own depression and anxiety and why it keeps her from making plans with friends. I’m guilty of backing out of things I used to consider fun because I’m so worried that someone is judging me I can’t enjoy myself.
*I also want to thank Kate from Sluiter Nation for sharing her story about PPD and PPA. She blogged about a recent episode and immediately sought treatment. After dealing with it with her first son she knew the signs well this go around and has been reevaluated with a new course of treatment. She’s a very brave woman and I commend her honesty on the subject. She’s helped me realize that it’s OK to reach out of help. It will only serve to make you a better mother and person if you treat yourself with respect and tenderness.
I will talk more about my treatment, medication, and progress once things get rolling a bit. Right now I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m taking care of myself and things will be ok. <3