Seeking Help

by Amber Stiles on August 18, 2012

I wasn’t going to write about this yet since it just started; but…I want to be honest with myself as well as my friends and family.  I want to lay it all out there, because sometimes things are better out than in.  I’ve been thinking about seeking help for my moods.  Today I had my first appointment with a psychiatric nurse (she does therapy AND medication management).  I’ve done all this before but it’s always hard to reach out and admit that I’m faltering.

You all know I’m that I’m generally not one to ask for help until it’s almost too late.  Sometimes it IS too late when I crash and burn all over myself (though that hasn’t been the case for 10 years or so thankfully).  It sucks admitting that you’re weak.  It sucks admitting that to yourself and to those closest to you.  It sucks feeling like you’ll be judged for not having the wherewithal to just PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN!  Sometimes I can.  This time I wanted to nip my shit in the bud before it got out of hand.

I’m assuming you’ve all realized that some things here at home aren’t ideal.  No, my life didn’t take a nose dive.  And no, my “bad” isn’t the worst the world has seen.  But it’s all relative and it’s bad enough for me to feel off kilter.  My moods…my reactions to others…my own lack of action to take care of myself…are all bad enough to seek treatment.

So I did just that.  Today.  I am now scheduled to meet with my brand spankin’ new therapist every other week.  I have a ‘script in my wallet waiting to be filled.  I have a plan of action to take care of myself so I can take care of my family.

*I want to thank Tracy from stoopmama for laying it all out there and making me realize that I need some extra help again.  She wrote a really great blog post on dealing with her own depression and anxiety and why it keeps her from making plans with friends.  I’m guilty of backing out of things I used to consider fun because I’m so worried that someone is judging me I can’t enjoy myself.  

*I also want to thank Kate from Sluiter Nation for sharing her story about PPD and PPA.  She blogged about a recent episode and immediately sought treatment.  After dealing with it with her first son she knew the signs well this go around and has been reevaluated with a new course of treatment.  She’s a very brave woman and I commend her honesty on the subject.  She’s helped me realize that it’s OK to reach out of help.  It will only serve to make you a better mother and person if you treat yourself with respect and tenderness.

I will talk more about my treatment, medication, and progress once things get rolling a bit.  Right now I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m taking care of myself and things will be ok.  <3

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracy August 18, 2012 at 1:37 am

A thousand hugs for you, my lady.

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Aly August 18, 2012 at 1:39 am

You are SO brace, Amber! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I am so proud of you for being honest with yourself ….

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allisonthemeep August 18, 2012 at 1:42 am

High five. I am so sorry you’ve been struggling so much, but so glad that you are getting help. Reaching out is so hard, and I’m so proud of you for doing it. xoxoxoxo

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Brandy August 18, 2012 at 1:48 am

You are so brave! It takes a strong woman to admit she needs help! Truthfully, I think we could all use some. So happy you are taking care of yourself & I’ll be here holding your hand the whole way. Damn, I’m a sappy bitch. ;) XOXO

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Jess @ Wrangling Chaos August 18, 2012 at 1:49 am

As a mom of four who’s been medicated since the birth of kid #2, I’m at the point now where I know there’s no shame in needing help. And getting it. Because in all the chaos, in all the weird pressure we put on ourselves, it comes down to whether or not we can take care of our babies the way we WANT to.

You did what needed to be done. No shame in that. It takes more strength to get help than it does to sit back and do nothing.

I’ve had an anxiety disorder since I was 18, and depression on and off since Gabe. I’ve been medicated in some manner for well over 12 years. I’ve done therapy, and group sessions, and it’s all part and parcel of a system that you learn to work to help yourself.

Good luck, friend. Been there, many times.

And also? You’re all kinds of badass for doing best for yourself.

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Kate August 18, 2012 at 1:59 am

Fist bump, my friend, for doing what you need to do for you and your family. We can get through this. We can because we have before.

It’s always better after.

Always.

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Denise August 18, 2012 at 2:03 am

So glad you are taking care of yourself. I’ve been there too. I still struggle a lot. Writing about it helps me sort it out and people are so supportive. We are here for you. Hugs

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Mindi August 18, 2012 at 2:59 am

sending you big huge hugs! So glad to hear you are seeking treatment I think that is one of the hardest steps. My mom suffers from depression and bipolar and has been untreated for over a year now. She hasn’t had contact with us during the entire time and it hurts so much to watch.

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Christine @ Love, Life, Surf August 18, 2012 at 3:36 am

I’m so sorry it’s been rough but this – everything that you’ve written? Yes. I hate admitting that I need help and feeling weak but what you are doing is one of the strongest things that you can do. The expectations and the judging that fills our worlds can be too much and it takes a hell of a lot to ask for help. I’ve definitely been there (still there??) and wish you luck.

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lamina @ do a bit August 18, 2012 at 4:05 am

Big BIG HUGS!!! I think you are such a brave and incredibly strong woman to admit things are faltering…. it’s a really hard thing to do… good on you for seeking help! I had a bit a falter myself earlier this year… I was in a bit of a terrible state (no self confidence and anxiety) and when I realised how bad I was (it took a while) I headed straight to the psychologist and I’m so glad I did, as I feel much better about myself now.. though I still have quite a bit of work to do! I hope you will feel much better soon… I’m sure you will xxx

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Tricia August 18, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Good job girl! I went on anti depressants just recently after being diagnosed with dysthymia. I think I had been dealing with depression for well over 15 years and didn’t seek help because I wasnt worth it. So happy you know you’re worth it and deserve to be happy and healthy for your family. If ya need to talk please don’t hesitate!

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Nadja August 18, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I’m so proud of you! Getting therapy and getting my self well has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my kids and myself. You made the biggest, hardest step already. You have A LOT of support and shoulders to lean on.

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ilene August 19, 2012 at 12:44 am

I love your honesty and our honesty helps others. We all need help from time to time and it takes a much stronger woman to admit that than to deny yourself the help that will get you better. Hang in there, sister.

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Random Jessica August 19, 2012 at 4:58 am

Good job!!! You definitely have to take care of you! You’re the only you you get :). Always a listening ear if you need.

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Michelle August 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I admire your for having the courage to simply write this post. I wish you the best and know that all will be better.

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Kristen August 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I think it says a lot about you to share all of this. Reaching out for help is something to be proud of not to be ashamed of. I wish more people would see it that way. Maybe this post will do that for some!
Take care of yourself! You are a wonderful mom and friend!!

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Adrienne August 26, 2012 at 2:33 am

I’m right there with ya, sister! I have been thinking about seeing a therapist too. Something’s gotta give. I’m at the point where I’m wondering if the medicine I take even works?? Good for you for making those appts!!

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Kate August 30, 2012 at 4:19 am

I would give you a big hug.

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Good Golly Miss Holly! October 8, 2012 at 1:28 am

Just found you via Good Goog and oh boy, do I understand where you’re coming from. I battled PND after the birth of my first two babes and have only managed to avoid it this time around thanks to continual medication and regular consults with my GP. Well done to you for seeking help, taking that step can be the hardest x

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